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  Laugh a While - Marriage ::

Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy. - Gary Busey

Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence. - King Vidor

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside equally desperate to get out.  - Michel de Montaigne

There is only one way to have a happy marriage a and as soon as I learn what it is, I will get married again. - Clint Eastwood

They say love is blind...and marriage is an institution. Well, I am not ready for an institution for the blind just yet. - Mae West

My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way. - Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she is wrong.  - Milton Berle 

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.  - George Burns  

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said,   "There was water in the carburetor." I asked her, "Where's the car?" She replied, "In the lake." - Henny Youngman

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.   - Henny Youngman

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

I have not spoken to my wife in 18 months - I do not like to interrupt her. 

My girl friend told me I should be more affectionate. Therefore, I got myself two girlfriends.

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it since the thief was spending much less, than his wife did.

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.  

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished. 

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"    The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."  

Young Son: Is it true, Dad that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son. 

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married then it was too late. 

A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same: "You can have mine."  

A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?"  asked the friend. "A billionaire." she replied,

The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.

A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said," Dad! I've found a  woman just like mother” His father replied, "So what do you want? Sympathy?"

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. 

It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a    beautiful woman - and then, BAM! it was all gone!"  "What happened?" asked his friend. "My wife found out..."  

Just think if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both husband and father, I can say anything I want to around the house. Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.  

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. 

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, but his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.  The man thinks for a moment and says, "Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead." 

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.  An expensive way to get your laundry done free. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

First, guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"   Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive.

Humor in Marriage

Newly Weds - Wife to Husband “Dear, don't expect the first few meals to be great. It takes time to find the right restaurant."

A couple drove down a country road several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically  " Relatives of yours? " "Yep" the wife replied “in-laws"

Wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?" "I would love to," replied the husband, "but I don't know her well enough."

An ugly but well painted woman at a party walked up to a man and told him, ''If you were my husband, I would poison your drink." The man replied, ‘‘if you were my wife I would drink it.''

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"  The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."

Before marriage, a woman respects a man, after marriage, she suspects him and after death she respects him.

There was a guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go thro' hell for her. They got married-and now he is going thro it.

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